Crazy black people!

Wal Mart Applicant revealed...
Below is an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in
California . They hired him because he was funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they
tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FI VE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde
supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST
OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
***Old People Rock! ***

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This has been around for years, only it was a McDonalds application.

Still pretty good, though.

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A professor at University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

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LOL. Not sure if its old or not, I just read it, and its funny to me!

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children:

'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating!

You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money!
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name: Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol!
This too shows itself in your child's name: Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy

by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's

talking about!! Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.'

That's a good one.

Doesn't really need it's own thread though. I'll join it to the "Random Funny Stuff" thread.

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Thanks Munky, didn't have time to find that thread, but thought I needed to share it! LOL. Later kids,off to work.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.
He asked if they were interested, both said they were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer level to 10 percent to start, explaining that even 10 percent is probably more pain than he has ever experienced before.
As the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted it to 20 percent of pain transfer, but still nothing. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try 50 percent then 100 percent since the husband didn't seem phased at all by the pain transfer. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they arrived home. They found the mail man dead on the porch.

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Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant
after they had successfully slipped into the U.S.

The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy shushes him quickly and whispers
"Don't blow our cover. You're in America now. Speak Spanish."

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Best Ice cream commercial ever!!!!!

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holarious

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2008 Corvette C6 TT
1999 Civic Si Drag Car
2008 Triumph Speed Triple 1050
2011 Ford F-250 Super Duty 6.7

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Mental Health Outsourcing- Is BAD


Mental Health Outsourcing:

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline;

and got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

ANNOUNCEMENT:



Apple announced today that it
has developed a breast implant that
can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social
breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men
staring at their breasts and not
listening to them.

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In case you are looking for new ways to invest.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00
left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.THIS IS CALLED THE 401-KEG PLAN

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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:

'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.

My wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband,

'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that Said..

"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''

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Welcome to IndyCarScene!

2008 Corvette C6 TT
1999 Civic Si Drag Car
2008 Triumph Speed Triple 1050
2011 Ford F-250 Super Duty 6.7

Site suggestions, questions or comments? PM me!